Anti Anti

This will brief.

If you're feeling anti social, fight it.

I'm telling you, I have never reaped so much joy from a social event as when I have to force myself to attend against my will.

Lately - perhaps because I've been writing more and therefore spending a lot of time growing things in the garden of my mind - engaging socially with people has been draining. I spend my time at work chatting with customers; when I leave, the idea of chatting further feels overwhelmingly tedious.

There are a select few people in my inner-circle who are exempt from these moods. Jeremiah my husband, my little doggies, and the folks we cook dinner with throughout the week (stomach defeats whiny mood, always).

I've made a point the past couple days to involve myself in social activities after work. Simple things, like pizza at our friends' house or beers with another couple. Particularly, things involving people who aren't in my "inner circle." I've been leaving work feeling like the art of making small talk has been lost to me, and ready to dive into a book with headphones and ice cream. Instead, when opportunities for social gathering have presented themselves, I've accepted them.

It's been a little painful, all this acceptance.

But the more time I spend in conversation, hanging out with people, the less anti-social I feel. A weird tingle is generated from my bellybutton to my lips in these social gatherings. I find myself smiling, laughing even. I'm not sure what to call this tingle, but I'm pretty sure it's happiness or something. Maybe even joy. (That said, I value alone time. Thrive from it and need it. We're talking about balance, here; I'm not suggesting forgo alone time.)

Some Mormon Missionaries came to my door recently. They were rather nice, took my trash out for me and even conceded when I told them they could pray for me if I could pray for them. In trying to convince me I needed to go to church, the concept of Communion was presented.

"I do that all the time," I explained.

"Well, the thing about Communion is that it's about the right mindset. It's the blood and body of Christ; someone in authority needs to bless the bread and wine," they explained.

Two thoughts occurred to me. One, I expressed: "I think you're right. Really, it's about Jesus. When we focus on him, our mindset is aligned with his. And ya know, in the Bible Jesus says 'All the authority of heaven and earth is mine; I give it to you.' So, I've got all the authority I could possibly need. And so do you." (Authority examples: Matthew 10:8 and 28:18, Luke 10:19)

Perhaps friends are like spiders that help keep the
garden of our minds pest free. Photo by: Josiah McLain 

The second thought, I didn't recall until I began this post. "The Last Supper," from which Christianity has derived the communion ritual, was definitely about Jesus. But it wasn't Jesus alone, it was Jesus surrounded by his friends. It was a social gathering; a shared experience.

We don't need bread and wine to have communion, though they are convenient symbols. We need each other.

I have a hunch our Oppressors would do anything in their power to keep us from communing - giving and receiving life - with our friends and Jesus. Without communion, we who are rivers at our healthiest, dry up into deserts.

While our moods are strong, we are stronger. The longer we go without breaking out of a bad mood, the harder it might be but the more enlivening the end result. It's a new struggle every time I feel an anti-socail mood coming on; it's yet to become easy to say Hmm, this mood is damaging me spiritually. I need to stop bitching and get over it. Practice, I'm hoping, makes perfect.

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Click HERE for more posts about Communion in my heretical life.